The Isolation of Domestic Violence

There is a subject near and dear to my heart. A world of women hiding their pain,  scars, bruises and tears. The smiles masking the sorrow. The false personal their social media is portraying. It is hard to find the words to express what needs to be said.

The words need written though. As they are hiding behind a veil of perfection. Closing the doors to the world outside so they can not see the damage done within the walls of their own home.

There are moments of joy, those are the ones the world will see. There are days when she is happy. Days when the words and the anger don’t encroach. Times where they are a family. Those are the days that make the others seem bearable. That is what every woman in this world of loneliness wants to believe, she wants to believe in those happy times.

When it comes crashing down, though, it isn’t pretty. It isn’t normal. She will tell herself this isn’t right; she lets it continue. See she is not a victim, she tells herself, for stays; a victim would have ran away. She is every woman who has been beaten, pushed into silence, scared to walk away. For that she is the victim, for staying she has made her children the victim.

Today she must change that. Today she can say, for the first time, my world was far from perfect. My world was deranged. She has functioned in fear and followed commands. Her heart listened to the words she was told. She believed she was without value and worth. She believed she could never be enough; she was a failure. But worst of all she believed she deserved what was happening, that to be alone would be worse. When he hit her, at least he was touching her; when he yelled at her at least she was being acknowledged; she believed there was love underneath the anger.

She needs you to help her find her worth. To gather her strength to walk away. She will face her greatest fear; to have loved and given all to watch it be gone in a moment. She will enter the world a single mother. She walk away with nothing. She will be scared, a different scared than she has ever felt. She will question: “How will I make it? What do I do now?” The loneliness will be so great. But Loneliness she has learned to embrace, it will have become her friend, for all she had ever had was herself. And how much sweeter loneliness will be on her own, than to be lonely in a relationship.

For now she does not have to be isolated. She can make friends. She can be a person outside of her home without fear of repercussion. She does not have to fear a ringing phone or a Facebook post outside of her control; outside of his timing. On that day she will be her own woman. She will be free to make her own decisions. No hand will be raised against her. No more mornings of aches and pains, no more bruises and broken heart. No more hiding shame and guilt behind a faked smile.

It is a new day. The pain of yesterday will subside, the plans for a brighter future are hers to make. This will not be an easy road, yet her journey begins. Her journey to healing and learning to love herself.

If you are in an abusive relationship and need help getting out or if you know someone who is going through this, click the link below they can help you  Abuse Hotline 

To be trapped in a cycle of abuse is devastating, it is isolating. She will need friends, support, love. She needs encouragement, someone to help her find herself and all she has lost whether it has been months or years, she is different now, because she has been beaten down and torn apart. She may still love him. She will struggle with letting go and walking away. She will need you to life her up, to stay beside her, to guide her out. Be the light in her dark life.

Everyday in America thousands of women (and men) are victims of domestic violence. They feel trapped and many of them will die int he the hands of the one they loved so much. Their children are witness to the acts, many of those children grow up to see this as a normal relationship and the cycle continues. You can not force someone to change, and you can not force someone to seek help but you can be the one to help them know that they are worth so much more and give them hope for escape.

https://ncadv.org/statistics

For more statistics click the link above.

 

 

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