It seems like I’m being judged, every day, for things big and small. Being a mother of 6 kids, even when I only have 4 or 5 in tow, the judgement reigns. Today that judgement came from my biggest judge of all; my mother.
I am a mother, so I know expectations of our kids are high, but I have begun to feel as though I will always be Queen of the land I never fulfilled her dreams and sit on the throne of Doing it all wrong.
Today I choose to skip my traditional Christian raising and spend Palm Sunday in the great outdoors with my kids. So in her mostly loving voice my mother prayed for my forgiveness. Begged God to forgive me for spending a day with my children in the beauty of His creation.
I spent years weighed down by the guilt and fear of messing up, of making a wrong move, of doing the wrong thing. If there is anything I want for my children, it is freedom from those feelings. I want my kids, each of them, to feel free to do what makes them happy, builds them up and make their choices by their own free will; not out of guilt or obligation and most certainly not out of fear.
I may not raise my children in a church building, but they find God in everything. They are not confined to the four walls and a steeple, nor stuck on a rigid schedule. Instead they are free to worship by feeling the ground beneath their toes and the water on their faces with the mountains in the background and the breeze brushing up against their backs. Their brothers and sisters are the deer and the antelope and the bison.
In everything they see God, and feel Him. His beauty surrounds them, without judgement of what they wear, how they present themselves or who their friends are. They find Him in the quiet of the hillside and the roar of the waterfall is their choir.
My kids may not have spent Palm Sunday inside a church building, listening to a sermon they have heard ten times before, but they did spend Palm Sunday in the Master’s Creation, listening to the whispers of His love.
Today I was prayed for, rather my forgiveness was prayed for, but I ask that I not be forgiven, for my children found God where He was, they didn’t have to ask Him to come to them.
*** Side note- I do not write this as a discouragement against church, or a bashing, or judging thread to those who do attend, as we are members of a church and do not always skip service. I am writing this out of my frustration of being bullied into feeling guilt for choosing to show my children God through nature, rather than 100% inside the doors of a church.